Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
