So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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