I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
