the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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