Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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