Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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