I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
