11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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