Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
