Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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