You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
