She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Randomize
