So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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