I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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