i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
operation have a gay friend backfired
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
