you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
