I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
