I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The air was thick with penises
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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