i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have tasted many bathrooms
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
