What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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