I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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