dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
