Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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