Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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