Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
