brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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