my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
