i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you never un-have a 4some
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
