that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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