My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
