ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
