Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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