Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
