Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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