last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
