Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
