Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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