I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
