Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
