when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
