I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
