nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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