Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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