I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
