I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
