one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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