You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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