all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
