I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
