For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
