Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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