I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My room smells like vodka and shame
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
