This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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