saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
