I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We named our party play list daddy issues
Little spoons don't ask big questions
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
